worst thing everrr

is knowing your able to do something and wanting to do it but not doing it.But not doing it.& not because of fear,or consequences..but because of respect...WHAT THE DEUCE??That's how im feeling right now.i feel like im in invisible chains.People always think they know what's best for you...parents,"friends", teachers......parents again.But it's not their life,& truly has nothing to do with them.They hold you down and tell you to stick to a schedule.a plan,that THEY make. & everyone follows.Most follow out of security, but i dont want that. I want to be free.physically, mentally, emotionally...everything. Crazy tho, cus the more mentally free you get the more you notice how locked sown you are.How many chains you have holding you down, keeping you back.Maybe its just me. Maybe its because i care too much.No, not about what other people think about me, or to make a mistake but about others.About their feelings.About them stressing, worrying, wondering, about me.But i have no idea why i do this because if someone truthfully cared enough for me to hurt them just by making decision then they would see how much it hurts me not to make my own.It hurts like crazy. Not really hurt,just BURNS! like my passion & expression is creating a fire yet there are no candles to light.The only reason anyone ever tells you to do something is because they know you will listen.Selfish hunh?lovalova's always wanna be in charge.& i listen because i care...for now. now all i can do is cry. cry and run to the pianio playing every note like a sad sad dream falling out the sky and landing on a fat man's plate,.he devours it, no questions asked.my eyes are now empty.music dosent sooth the soul. anything but. it captures your love, pain , tears and replays it over and over again. reminding you of how suckey your life is...mine isnt suckey.but it is suckey knowing all the time im wasting on this computer,looking into space, listening to countless different people's views of what's life about when i know the meaning already. when i know MY meaning already.they tell you over & over how fast it goes by but keep you to this schedule where you can never truly accomplish anything subsancial untill its almost over. untill all the other pressures & other people's thoughts trash your once optamistic mind. what once to be filled with dreams and asperations is now filled with task and deeds.



-Mary Propa